Marriage Should be a Gay Affair

"Let them get married and be as miserable as the rest of us."

Amen.

I found out at dinner tonight that my friend's boyfriend proposed to her. Actually, "attempted to propose" is more accurate. At the will of both her and the dear boy's mother, the diamond engagement ring that graces her left hand is now a "promise ring". This, of course, did not stop the increase in pitch or added fluster when describing/defended it to the open-mouth expressions of her two oldest friends.

We just left it with us planning the eventual bachelorette party, and unspoken understanding that those participating may not survive. 

There's been a lot of marriage talk lately - who's allowed and who's not seems to be a conversation that's not only gracing my friend's boyfriend's living room. Sure, I'm all for preserving "tradition" and letting the faithful do their thing.

...and then i read WSJ's article explaining the spousal abuse of cell-phone tracking systems, in which men program their wives' phones in order to drag them back(by the hair, of course). And about yet another study of how men are apparently *incapable* of remaining monogamous, and I think: what are we trying to protect again? the *sanctity* of marriage? If someone can find it somewhere please let me know.  I think it's run off with common sense and prudence - and they most certainly aren't coming back anytime soon.

The argument is about protecting children, and how same-sex couples are apparently less capable of child-raising.

We apparently have a thing for divorce. We get bored, you see. Why bother hanging around some old hag when there's a 20-year-old secretary ready to bang(Mr. Sterling)? these are things we know, but let us stress again: children from divorced homes don't do so well(around brilliant study). apparerently, cynicism can breed early(who knew?!) and this makes them overwhelmly more likely than their happily-married-parented counterparts to get a divorce too. Hooray for perpetuating a system of utter misery and destruction.

This is not to say that same-sex couples won't also take to this divorce concept like the bubbling trend it has become, but I think we should give them a shot. Who knows, they may actually like eachother(enough).

And one must also remember the thousands of children banging their heads' against the wall in orphanages across the globe - places where child-care for infants is to the extent of being held once a day for 5 minutes. And we would let them sit, and waste away until it is their time to be bumped to a foster home, or brothel(if the location allows). Why would we limit a most wonderful expansion of much-needed potential parents?

Breeding(and bringing) these maladjusted future criminals into the world with no parents to lovingly smother the bad out of them(I think that is what does it. eh?) is just irresponsible if there is a potential solution. 

And there would be other positive effects, as well. 

The wedding industry will be booming. The influx of flowers, bands, banquet halls, and heinous-looking bridesmaids(or I suppose groomsmen, if they partake) dresses to be needed should do something for our economy, right? Though I suppose churches won't see much of an economic benefit, so that *must* be what they're bitter about.  And then the potential for divorce lawyers!(cynic, I'm sorry.) Never be a better time to be in family law, I imagine. 

Let them have their $6,000 cake and eat it too. It's only fair.
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