Please, Be More Average

There is a secret to living a full life:
avoid emotions if at all possible.
these parasitic bits floating about your
mind and heart feed off your sense and
weaken your logic. Their sole purpose
is to hinder your decision-making and
get you into trouble. They are the
appendix of the intangible organs:
serving no purpose and seeming to
cause no harm until they
erupt.
Run, run from emotions!
Particularly if exhibited by another.
There is nothing more dangerous than the
emotional display of another person. A close
friend is worse. But member of the
opposite sex? ...why not just put your
head in an alligator's mouth? It is just as
safe and
probably more thrill-worthy.
(Also makes for a fantastic profile picture.)
and if a connection cannot be
documented in such a way, why forge it?
I much rather communicate with animals,
they truly understand. They are
suitable companions because they limit
their communication to assent or dissent. I
only wish to know if this
pleases or displeases you, darling.
What more is needed?
All other expressions are unnecessary
distortions or amplifications.
I have no use for such hyperbole. I want
clouds with my sun, I want ice in my tea,
I seek only the lukewarm! Only the lukewarm
will serve me.