Drug Vacation

I've missed my brain.

I know, what a strange thing to miss. Surely it is always present, except during the occasional romantic fling in which it flees? For most yes, but mine had officially "left the building", as they say. I am uncloudy-ish for the first time in weeks. The strange thing is, I'm still on pain killers. Just (temporarily) off the study drug. Who knew how nice a drug vacation could be? Especially when it's potentially life-saving cancer treatment... but I'm happy, I am. I think I needed this. To reminded that I can in fact, compose sentences without drooling (it was getting weird) and stare at words for extended periods and have them make sense to me. So thank you, shoddy potassium levels, for giving me this required break from the clinical trial to pop candy-looking (not candy-tasting, sadly) potassium supplements. Compared to the study drug-oxy-vicodin combo, oxy-vicodin is a walk in the park. Like wow. You don't appreciate what you have until you're given the equivalent of an ACME mallet to the head in the form of a pill. yeesh.

So I suppose I should inform you that yes, I made it into the clinical trial. (that I was then "temporarily" taken off of. See Above.) I went to Ohio alone for 6 days and, with newfound nausea and poor appetite, (what a stellar combination!) force-fed myself whatever it is Midwesterners refer to as "food". Day 1 I attempted the cafeteria, only to discover it was in fact a Wendy's. It was at this point (and many others) I had to ask myself: is this real life? 

Dear god, it is. 

Anyway, so I go off my coffee/caffeine kick (suck it, doubters!) while in Ohio and developed a taste for apple juice. Yes, I traded in coffee for apple juice. 

...I was on drugs, okay?! Sheesh. 

I haven't fully recovered from the transition, that is, haven't been having much of any coffee mostly because there's no point in even pretending I'm going to be productive on the toxic combination of study drug-painkiller. I basically spend the days sleeping or counting the hours until I get to sleep. Or watching shitty TV. 

Also, I really like juice.

So I really just wanted to get in this tiny bit of writing before study drug starts back up again (potentially later today if EKG goes well) and makes me an actual dope. (Is panobinostat-lenalidomide dope? Meh.) If I can squeeze anything else out before the mallet falls, I'll send out another update.